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All Play and No Work?
By Dr. Marvin
Berkowitz
Remember your first job?
Probably baby-sitting, lawn
mowing, snow shoveling, or newspaper delivery. Or, even before
that, odd jobs around your own house.
My dad used to pay me a quarter to periodically shine his shoes.
Then I got a newspaper route, delivering “Newsday” to about 30
homes each day. Rain or shine. Heat or snow. I would get tipped
a nickel a week by most families. All I made for all of this
work was a few dollars a week.
But I saved it and eventually
bought a TV of my own for my bedroom.
Now as I wait in line at
McDonald’s or buy a ticket at the movie theatre I watch the kids
working there. And they generally seem to be doing just fine.
They smile. They make the correct change. I can understand them
when they speak to me. And so on.
But then my son got his first
job. He is working behind the concession stand at the local
multiplex movie theatre.
As a parent my first thoughts
were “how the heck is this kid going to pull this one off?” Who
wants to buy Raisinets from a kid with metal hoops in his ears
and pants down around his knees? Will he actually look people in
the eye? Talk to strangers? Or, and I know this one is asking
way too much, smile pleasantly at a customer (other than a cute
high school girl, of course)? Will he belch in people’s Dr.
Peppers? Or sneeze on their popcorn? And what cataclysmic result
will occur when an ornery customer is rude to him?
But he seems to be doing fine.
I haven’t actually gone and spied on him (although it is a
tempting thought).
He has not been fired. He has
not been escorted home by the police. He wears his uniform. And
a belt! Around his waist no less. (We have actually had long and
serious debates about exactly where one’s waist is. Really.)
He seems to be doing his job
well and even reports having cleaned up some nasty
plastic-butter spill or some such distasteful ecological
disaster. This is the same kid who is unintentionally growing
entire new species of fungus in his bedroom.
And then I remembered. Kids
usually rise to the occasion and particularly when their parents
are not around.
I think it is some fiendish
and perverse plot by kids. They spend their entire lifetimes
setting us up to believe they are completely inept and
unsocialized boors. Just so we will worry and then they can
astonish us by turning from the bumbling Don Diego in to Zorro!
From Clark Kent into Superman.
I remember doing something
like this purposely at my friend’s wedding many years ago. I was
a rather unsavory looking pseudo-hippie in those days and my
friend decided to marry the daughter of a retired Air Force
colonel. The wedding was at an Air Force base.
As we pulled up to the
appropriate building, the bride’s mother (I had never met her
before) took one look at me and said “Oh my god. You better go
inside and just stay there.”
I took that as a personal
challenge.
So I spent the entire wedding rehearsal convincing her that I
was a complete misfit and loose cannon and would totally screw
up her only daughter’s wedding. Then when she was good and
petrified of me and the real event finally came, I performed
flawlessly, of course. Marched in lock step. Lit my candle on
cue. Et cetera.
I am convinced that this is
what our kids are doing to us. I just can’t figure out when they
all get together and plan this. Must be this “instant messenging”
thing they do all day on the computer.
But it clearly is a plot.
So, here is my advice.
Don’t let them win. Don’t fall
for it. Don’t buy into this act of sloth and slovenly habits.
Don’t fall for the selfishness and sullenness.
It’s an act. They are putting
it on just to fool us. If you don’t believe me, just go buy a
box of malted milk balls at the Creve Coeur theatre. That
smiling competent kid behind the counter just might be my son.
Really.
